Many unmarried men and women hope, crave and pray to get married as soon as they have the means and a partner. Meanwhile married couples know that marriage is not particularly (“beans”) easy
Just recently, I heard very disturbing news of a young seemingly perfect happy couple and friends of the family. Smashingy handsome husband and light skinned hot gorgeous-looking wife. The type of situation that when you see them together, you pray for a married life just like theirs because it looks so perfect. Looks can be veryyyyyy deceiving.
Few nights ago, some peace making had to be done as the wife desperately called for help because she had been locked out of her house by her husband. She is a banker in one of these top banks in Nigeria. She works on the island and lives on Ikorodu, suburb, more like an outskirt of Lagos and she’s being getting home really late, around 11pm.
Apparently, her husband locks her out of their house and beats her blue black for coming home late. In addition, he will call her boss to accuse them of having an affair, so everybody in the office knows the situation because she comes in with some fresh and other fading scars and that spurs ruthless gossip about her in the office. Plenty of more gossip in her neigborhood too because most times she is locked outs, she camps at her neighour’s place and the news is up and around.
During a heart to heart, she explained how tough things had been, that for about two years now, he had stopped paying the bills- 2 children’s school fees, domestic bills, etc. Everything had been on her. I’m sure its not convenient and fun for anybody much less a woman to get home that late but that’s the circumstance she’s in and should be handled maturely.
What is baffling is that this man is also in the banking sector and is aware of how tight and tedious things are. He is lucky that he works in Ikorodu, where he stays. His wife said she has applied to be moved to Ikorodu branch but that hasn’t happened. To add icing to the cake, his parents live in the same compound with them but in different apartments and have never intervened or even accommodated her.
Marriage isn’t a bed of roses. Its the continuation of the rest of one's life, with someone else. Many people say their wedding vows, something about promising to love each other in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer for as LONG as they both shall live. It seems we just say those part of the vows as default and dont seem to realise that there will definitely be lean times and fat times, ups and downs, and you are promising to live together through it. Her husband should get a grip, man up and act responsible.
It irritates me when I hear or see an able-bodied man beat-up a woman. I mean that is the highest level cowardice ever. I mean if you need to fight and flex your muscles, pick your match.
A very dicey situation for the lady because I think her husband wants her to come home early and that obviously will not work ASAP on her present job. So probably getting a less demanding job is the way out but that might mean less pay, how then will she take care of 2 children, ONE big crybaby- her hubby and her extended family. On the other hand, Is it that easy to get another job, just like that? How and what does one advise her to do? Let her leave the abusive relationship before she loses her life or just manage the thing like that and hope he doesnt kill her in rage one day? *sigh*
Its not easy to advise and persuade her to leave before the stress, unhappiness or the beating kills her or does one tell her to remain in the house and “marriage” and keep praying, hoping for a change?
Personally, I dont pray for a situation like that but I will never remain in an abusive relationship.
It is however her decision and she has to figure it out.
Personally, I dont pray for a situation like that but I will never remain in an abusive relationship.
It is however her decision and she has to figure it out.
Another unfortunate story caused by the Nigerian Banking system...
ReplyDeleteThiS is a serious case...but she definitely has someone who sees and understands what she goes through... (God) and she shld trust in him and evrything will just be fine...its easy saying it but she will have the last laugh...
ReplyDeleteLeavin d marriage shdnt b an option 4 a christian buh if d only ish d guy is havin is d job, they shd hav a honest conversatn till they come up wiv a resolutn cos it seems deres more to d matter than d eye meets! I mean, y will
ReplyDeleteHe stop footin bills?
He used to work in a really big bank, but that bank has issues was acquired by another bank. So he left and now works in a smaller bank. From what I understand, that was about the time he stopped paying the bills. I don't know if that's the reason but that is the situation.
ReplyDeleteI think they should go for counselling, cos really, she can't juz throw in d towel.Women are born warriors and fighters, so I don't think she shld giv up without fighting to salvage watz left. But really, MEN can b soooooooooOOOO irritating, selfish, unreasonable, wicked, and all d words u can think ☺ƒ....dey r different wen itz a relationship n another thing entirely when it comes to marriage....it takes d grace ☺ƒ God n pressure from ur family not to stick wit d decision ☺ƒ being a spinster forever
ReplyDeleteFirst, I think dis guy is suffering from an Esteem problem. Dis is honestly d highest level of insecurity. I reckon therefore, dat dey go for counselling. Leaving her matrimonial house is a huge thin in dis part of d world.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmn what a touching story, well first of all the guy is frustrated wif d fact dat he's no longer gettn as much as he normally gets and besides he knws what he does while at work, probably dates pples wife, so he's imaginning same fin happening to d woman, let's be realistic here, u knw we nigerians dnt believe in councelling, d main fin to be done here is dt d woman shld allow d man regain his senses back, he shld be left alone for a while n d mere fact dat his parents r in same compound wif him is making everyfin worse, if I am d wife for d marriage to cont its either we move out of dat house or d parents move and den he needs to work on himself, a situatn like dis happened n d women eventually died n den pple were blaming her dt y didn't she move out all dis while.
ReplyDeleteI wnt to agree with you Jumoke, the guy ways shud be examined!
DeleteThe only counseling for a man who treats a woman like crab is prison not to talk of your own wife..... Nawa oooo.
ReplyDeleteAs for naija banks... Abo wa ba in oro yii
From all indication,d husband is threatened by many situational instances(none of which cud be totally exonerated though),suffice to say not too many of us can handle third party success,even when it involves our blood relation.
ReplyDeleteHowever,should we throw away the baby alongside the bath water?...if u ask me,the lady wud definitely have triggered instances too.
Way forward and lesson for all....marriage is beyond being adorned in a ceremonial white garment or a tuxedo,its a conscious decision that must be mutually adhered to.
For whatever,the lady need to stay alive to defend her marriage and as such would advice she escalate the issue to their pastor or someone both of dem respect,while she look out for a place...temporarily.